A Grandparents' Guide for Family Nurturing and
Safety
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Source: Brazelton, T. Berry, and
Brown, Ann. (n.d.). A grandparents' guide for family
nurturing and safety. Consumer Product Safety Commission
(CPSC) and Pampers Parenting Institute. Washington,
DC: U.S. Government Printing Office. Retrieved
January 4, 2007 from the CPSC website: http://www.cpsc.gov.
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Parenting vs. Grandparenting: Making It Work
Even with all the advantages of an extended
family, the course of those relationships doesn't always
run smoothly. Parents and grandparents are bound to disagree
over child-rearing choices. The trick is in knowing how to
cool the friction before the fire gets out of hand.
What most young parents need from their own
parents is sympathetic support, not advice and criticism.
While it's sometimes painful to watch your children go through
the trial-and-error of parenthood, it's part of their learning
curve. It's best to let them know you're there for them,
that you're willing and eager to listen and that you'd be
glad to offer the wisdom of your own experience if and when
they want it. A regular "date" with them to let
your child unload is a sure way of keeping in touch.
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Occasionally, your children or grandchildren
will do something you feel so strongly about, you'll
want to intervene right then and there. Resist temptation.
It only undermines the parents in front of the children
and sets up tensions. The time to talk about the problem
is calmly, reasonably and privately. Even if you ultimately
disagree, it inspires trust when you accept their parenting
decisions. Remind your children of their own childhood
crises and how they handled them.
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Grandparents must respect their children as the parents.
Grandparents are notorious for overindulging their young
charges, and parents often worry that this will undercut
their own child-rearing efforts. However, Grandma and Grandpa's
treats, no matter how frequent, are just one more sign to
children that they are cherished. Grandparents can be tolerant,
loving and supportive, without having to discipline and instruct
the way parents must. They can afford to see all the good
things in a child and ignore the bad. That's a wonderful
mirror into which a child can look.
Tip
Respect the rules and limits that your children
set for their children. Grandparents should indulge their
grandchildren-within reason. When it comes to the major issues,
abide by the parental guidelines.
Children always know that their parents' insistence
on proper nutrition and a sensible bedtime is good and loving
in the most profound sense. So when it comes to major issues,
grandparents should always abide by the limits set by the
parents to avoid confusion and bad feeling on all sides.
One of the great gifts grandparents have is
the ability to influence young children. Removed from the
power struggles of the immediate family, a grandparent isn't
likely to meet with as much resistance as a parent would
in suggesting a child do some homework or set the table.
It is one way grandparents help parents by reinforcing the
values that parents want to instill.
Let your children know that you made more
than your share of mistakes when they were little, and that,
just as they do now, you had to learn how to take good care
of them.
Where babies are concerned, everyone can use
good advice. But as a grandparent, try hard not to give it
unless asked. It's much better to wait for phrases like, "Mom,
I need advice."
It may be a privilege of grandparents to indulge
and maybe even spoil grandchildren a bit. For example, you
may buy more toys or treats for your grandchildren than you
did for your own children. But remember to be careful, also.
Make sure you buy age-appropriate toys for your grandchildren.
Those age labels on toys are often safety recommendations,
not measures of skill or ability. By providing appropriate
playthings, you can spoil your grandchildren and keep them
safe at the same time.
Tip
Be sympathetic and supportive when your children
run into parenting difficulties. Resist the temptation to
intervene with advice and criticism.
Never take your grandchildren's side in a
dispute they may have with their parents. It undermines parental
authority.
Grandparents must use their power of example
and try not to force their beliefs. Rather, in a loving and
conversational way, set a good example. For instance, if
your grandchildren see you following safety guidelines and
giving back to society through your work, they will learn
that this is a good thing just from watching you. They've
become safety ambassadors, interested in safety for themselves
and for their friends. A grandparent who is informal, loving,
friendly and casual sets a good example. That is the best
way to encourage learning, values and connection that go
beyond your family to the community and society at large.
First Things First: Safety
Making your home safe for your grandchildren
is an ongoing project that changes with each stage of his
or her development. What works for a newborn isn't going
to be enough for a crawling, alert 8-month-old, and certainly
not for an inquisitive toddler. Daunting as it seems now,
it'll seem less so as you grow along with your grandchild.
It's an effort that will make you, your grandchildren and
their parents feel relaxed and secure.
Tip
Lavish your grandchildren with positive feedback
on everything from schoolwork to arts projects. Your praise
helps build self-esteem they'll need to get along in the
world.
Maintain an "emergency procedure" that
allows you to quickly contact your grandchild's doctor, hospital
emergency room and poison control center. Keep these phone
numbers by every phone in the house when your grandchild
is visiting.
One way that will help you see potential hazards
to your grandchildren is to get down on your hands and knees
and see a room from their perspective.
Never underestimate your grandchild's ability
to climb, explore or move furniture to reach something high
up.
It's important to keep in close touch with
your children and respect the way they raise their own children.
While you have considerably more experience in child rearing,
there are still things your children can teach you. For example,
when many older adults were young parents, it was common
practice to keep your babies safe by putting them to sleep
on their stomachs. Parents today are putting infants to sleep
on their backs, which has dramatically reduced the risk of
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). What has also been learned
is that putting babies to sleep on top of comforters or pillows,
no matter how beautiful, may be associated with infant suffocation.
Even that special old crib you've kept for your long-awaited
grandchild may be dangerous because it doesn't meet current
safety standards. As grandparents, then, it's important for
to be attuned to changes in child-rearing and safety practices.
About MINES & Associates
For over 25 years MINES & Associates has
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provides a variety of services to corporate employers including
employee assistance programs (EAP), managed mental healthcare,
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