Balancing Work and Family
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Source: Graham, Judith. (Last updated
August 13, 2006). Balancing work and family. Retrieved
December 22, 2005 from the University of Maine Cooperative
Extension website: http://www.umext.maine.edu/onlinepubs/htmpubs/4186.htm.
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Work and family are both central to our way
of life. Finding a balance between the two is an issue of importance
to men, women and employers. Today, nearly 50 percent of families
have two wage earners. Less than one-fifth of families are "traditional" breadwinner/homemaker
families. Research suggests that when adults add children to
their family, men and women tend to become more traditional
in how they divide workloads. In other words, tasks become
delegated by gender rather than by interest or ability. However,
in order to successfully balance multiple roles, adults may
need to become even less traditional than they were before
becoming parents.
Today, nearly 50 percent of
families have two wage earners.
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Managing more numerous and complex work
and family roles is a source of stress for many of us.
Stress comes from two primary sources: role strain and
spillover. Role strain occurs when the responsibilities
of one role interfere with performing other roles. For
example, a job that requires long hours or excessive
travel may have a negative impact on a partnership or
parenting role. Spillover is when the conditions and
relationships in one area of our lives affect us in another
area.
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For example, inflexible work hours, an overbearing supervisor,
or a less-than-positive work environment can have a negative
impact on your family life. Family concerns, such as an unsupportive
partner, inequities in the division of housework and child
care, significant health problems in family members, or changing
childcare arrangements can have a negative impact on your work.
There are four processes we can work through, which can help
us evaluate ourselves and our lives and make changes:
- Clarifying values.
- Setting realistic goals and expectations.
- Setting priorities and managing time.
- Letting go and understanding control.
Clarifying Values
Values guide our actions and are usually the result of our
life experiences. Clarifying our values is one key to managing
work and family demands. A value is defined as "a principle,
standard, or quality considered worthwhile or desired." Most
of us know some of our values, but sometimes important values
remain unconscious or unknown. Often, we don't question or
even acknowledge many of the values we hold until we assume
new roles or experience conflict. The values we hold but are
not aware of can often contribute to our feelings of stress;
we can understand and ease this stress by becoming more aware
of our values.
Some of our values may be in conflict with each other. For
example, I may believe it's important to be at work early,
and believe it's equally important not to leave the house until
the kitchen is clean. Unexpected delays, or mornings where
everything just takes a bit longer, could prove very stressful
until I examine these values and think about how they interact.
Modifying or prioritizing our values can be one way of easing
role strain. Areas where we might have strong values may include
housework, meal preparation and meal times, child care, car
and house maintenance, the nature and amount of couple and
family time, money, religion, education, entertainment, or
politics.
Clarify and prioritize your values.
Setting Realistic Goals and Expectations
 Goals
are important in our lives and help us define how we use our
time. Goals are shown in statements like, "I want to be
store manager by the time I am 35," or, "I want to
finish my college degree before I have children." Our
values underlie our goals and give us the "push" to
move toward achieving those goals. The values underlying these
two goal statements might include a high regard for achievement
and education.
Goals may be either concrete, like the two examples above,
or relational, such as raising responsible children, building
supportive friendships, or cultivating deeper understanding
of ourselves. To ease role strain we can choose to put some
goals on hold, let go of some, and modify others.
Many of us have high expectations about
being everything to everybody,
performing all of our roles well or being "perfect."
Perceptions, attitudes and expectations are also important
in understanding and addressing work-family issues. Expectations,
perceptions and attitudes often take the form of assumptions
about the way things ought to be done or the way we expect
people to behave. These usually come from our values and may
be harder to identify than our goals. Attitudes and expectations
that don't fit with our needs today can also create conflict
and stress. Many of us have high expectations about being everything
to everybody, performing all of our roles well or being "perfect." Frequently, "supermen" or "superwomen" burn
out or feel exhausted, irritable and angry. We can think about
our attitudes and expectations and choose to change or modify
those that no longer support us.
Set realistic goals and expectations.
Setting Priorities and Managing Time
Setting priorities is central to effective time
management. Managing work and a household, finding time for
family activities and friendships, and having time just for
us is no easy task with multiple responsibilities and roles.
When we account for all we need to do in a day, many adults
have one to two hours, at most, for "leisure" time.
But often these leisure hours are spent doing what we think
needs be to done instead of what we want to do.
Even when we are efficient in using our time,
we may not be effective-we "do things right" but
we don't do the right things. Often, we don't plan and schedule
activities that move us toward our goals, especially those
goals that aren't concrete. Goals that focus on the development
of people-our relational goals-may be harder to have master
activity plans for because they are day-to-day processes that
are harder to identify and schedule.
Here is one way to manage time differently. First,
we define our goals, and then we ask ourselves these questions:
- How do my expectations either foster or interfere with
reaching my goals?
- Am I balancing my concrete or "material" goals
with my relational or "people" goals?
- How will I know when I have reached this goal?
- What do I need to do today to reach this goal?
Manage your time by setting priorities
that move you toward your goals.
Letting Go and Understanding Control
The last area to think about is what it means to be in control.
Many times we feel we have more control if we do everything
ourselves. However, this can keep us from reaching our real
goals.
Think about delegating or dividing work to accomplish priority
needs and wants. As we think about change in this area, or
act differently, we may encounter unknown values or unexpected
perceptions or expectations about how work should get done,
and what work should get done. Even though we may want to reallocate
home or work tasks, we find ourselves resistant, as if we stand
to lose more than we gain. Understanding the emotional satisfaction
we get from performing certain tasks, and the power attached
to some responsibilities, are important aspects of effectively
delegating or dividing tasks.
Stay in control by letting go.
Planning and communication are central to all change. Here
are some other ideas to help balance work and family:
- Hold family meetings.
- Keep weekly or monthly schedules that schedule time for
both concrete and relational goals.
- Be willing to revise plans when they don't work or changes
need to be made.
- Understand what we can control and what we can't.
- Keep a sense of humor.
- Remember that effective management is not a static event
but a continually evolving process.
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