The Boomerang Generation: More Twentysomethings
Living with Mom and Dad
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Source: Margaret Feinberg (www.margaretfeinberg.com)
is author of Twentysomething: Surviving & Thriving
in the Real World (W Publishing) and What the Heck
Should I Do With My Life? Find Your Place in This
World (Tyndale House).
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It's no secret that parents who send their
kids off to college or into the workforce are known as "empty
nesters." After focusing their energy and efforts on raising
children for nearly two decades, it can be a challenging transition
to a childfree lifestyle. While some parents are excited about
becoming empty nesters and others are more hesitant, there
are a growing number of baby boomers who are discovering that
"nest" is
not as empty as they had expected.
| In recent years, an increasing number of
twentysomethings are choosing to move back home. In fact,
a recent Monster.com survey found that 60 percent of college
graduates plan to move back home right after graduation.
While many recent graduates will only stay for a few months,
others will return to the nest for a lot longer. Another
study found that for those between the ages of 25-and 34-years-old,
ten percent are still living with mom and dad. Think about
that for a moment: One out of ten young adults is living
with their parents. |
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The result is a growing number of baby boomer parents who
are adjusting their lives, families, and homes to accommodate
their adult children, and sometimes even their adult child's
spouse and/or pet. Parents are turning their son or daughter's
room (who likely just graduated from college or landed a job)
into the new sewing room, office, or workshop; then finding
they're having to redesign the spare room back into a bedroom
for their twentysomething child to move back home.
In fact, according to the annual Kids Count Report from the
Annie E. Casey Foundation, about 3.8 million youth between
the ages of 18 to 24 are neither in school or the workforce.
Dubbed "non-engaged" or "lost," this segment
represents approximately 15 percent of all the people in this
age.
The result is a generation often struggling to find their
place in this world and moving back in with mom and dad in
order to figure it out. For some, moving back in with their
parents is a way to survive a rather stormy economy until a
solid job opens up. For others, it's an opportunity to gain
a more solid financial footing before launching out on their
own. And still for others, it's a safe place to hide from real
world responsibilities. Sometimes it's hard to tell what factors
are at the core of a person moving back in with mom and dad.
But in the end, why they're there isn't as important as how
they handle themselves and their time back in the nest.
It's important to encourage young adults to communicate with
their parents about the living situation as soon as they move
in. Are they responsible for any rent? Are they expected to
contribute to the utility or grocery bills? What are the expectations
for chores and helping around the house? Challenge young adults
to keep the communication lines open with their parents.
If appropriate, consider addressing the issue of what it means
to honor your parents as an adult. What responsibilities does
a twentysomething have to honor their parents? How do you honor
your parent through your attitudes and actions-whether or not
you're living with them? What are the healthy boundaries between
parents and their adult children?
It's also important to help young adults establish boundaries
and a plan for living at home. For many, moving back home provides
a much-needed opportunity to "buy time" to figure
out questions of identity and vocation, as well as save up
enough money to move out on their own. But some twentysomethings
find it too easy to get lulled into inactivity. In other words,
living with mom and dad becomes just a little too comfortable.
That's why it's essential to challenge young adults to use
their talents and gifts. Anything you can do to help establish
a focus on serving and helping others is healthy.
At the same time, it's important to help remove the stigma
attached to moving back in with mom and dad. For many twentysomethings,
moving back in with mom and dad is a humbling experience. It
can be embarrassing to tell a current employer or potential
romantic interest that you live with your parents. Living with
parents has become a new norm in our culture as young adults
figure out the next step in life and climb out of debt.
Moving back home can have a healthy effect on everyone in
a family. Parents can get to know their son or daughter as
an adult just as twentysomethings can get to know their parents
on a new level. Young adults can also learn many of the basics
of life from their parents. Everyone can benefit from the growth
and celebration that are a natural part of the family life.
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