MINES Newsletter

Source: Epotech. (2001, Rev. 2006). Communicating across culture. Retrieved April 20, 2005 from the Epotech database. Printer-friendly version Newsletter back issues   Do you have a friend, coworker or neighbor from another country? There are millions of people living in the United States who were born abroad and chose to make a new life here. There are also plenty of people who were born here, but are part of a culture that differs from mainstream American culture. It's no wonder that we take pride in being a society in which people from all nations and cultures can live.

But too often, Americans only consider their own side of interactions between cultures. Instead of the old expression that described American society as a "melting pot," it's more accurate today to compare it to a "salad bowl," in which different people are mixed together, but maintain their unique cultural identities. Members of all cultures need to take care to understand and accommodate each other. The worst thing you can do when speaking with someone from another culture is to base your actions on assumptions. Our advice for cross-cultural communication can be boiled down to one rule: Don't assume anything!

Instead, you should learn how to ask around a sensitive topic and watch for your conversation partner's reaction. Often you can find the information you're looking for without making the person feel that you're expecting a stereotype.

Key Tips

Key Tip #1

Keep the conversation moving. Take the initiative and introduce yourself, and if the conversation lags, do your best to push it along. People can sometimes feel a little shy when immersed in a different culture because they're afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing - or they just feel different from everyone else. Asking friendly questions is a good way to draw people out of their shells.

Key Tip #2

It's difficult to tell a person's native country by the accent. Someone may speak with what sounds like a British accent, but could actually be from South Africa, New Zealand, Australia, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, India, Canada, Ghana, Belize, Hong Kong, Zimbabwe or any other of the dozens of independent nations or protectorates that were once British colonies.

Another example is Spanish, which is the most widely spoken romance language in the world. It's the official language of Spain and much of Latin America. And don't forget that more than 14 million people in the United States speak Spanish as their primary language, and many of them are American-born. Making assumptions about someone's native country just because of an accent is risky. Play it safe and give the person an opportunity to share this information with you.

Key Tip #3

Topics that you might consider personal, like your income or dating life, may be suitable for conversation in someone else's culture. Rather than taking offense, try to let it slide. Questions like these are well-meaning attempts to make conversation with you or to learn more about your culture. If a question is too personal, deflect it by making your answer broad and general. Instead of saying "I make $40,000 a year," say "People in my field usually make anywhere from $30,000 to $60,000 a year." If you're pressed for specifics, then you can gently give an answer like, "That's a topic that I don't feel comfortable discussing," and move on to a new area.

Specifics

Remember that people from different countries, even other English-speaking nations, probably won't speak, dress, act, or even eat the same way you do. Don't assume that someone from another country, or another culture, shares your values and attitudes, no matter how firmly you believe in them, or how widely held you think they are. Expect and respect cultural differences.

Almost all of the mistakes that happen in a cross-cultural conversation happen because someone makes an assumption based on incorrect information about the other person's culture. That incorrect information can come from a number of sources: rumors, friends, jokes, even biased newscasts. If you want to know if something you heard is correct, try to ask around it. For example, say you're talking to someone from Africa and you've heard that his native culture doesn't celebrate Christmas. You'd want to ask around the question, "You really don't celebrate Christmas?" rather than asking this directly and risking insulting the person. You can do this by starting with a question like "What holidays do you celebrate back home?"

By asking your conversation partner about his own beliefs or habits or culture, you show interest in him as a person (which is a good tactic in any conversation). As you chat, listen for topics to expand upon, and take note of ones you should avoid.

Speaking of topics to avoid, don't be nationalistic. You might feel that the United States is the best country in the world, but most Canadians feel that Canada is the best country in the world, and there are plenty of Kenyans who say that Kenya's the best. Avoid statements like "America has the best food (or economy, military, political system, music, movies, etc.)." You may feel you're stating facts, but they're really just opinions that could easily spark an argument - or resentful silence.

Let's look at a cross-cultural interaction gone wrong: Jeff is introduced to one of his company's new consultants, Lora. As Lora smiles and says hello, Jeff notices her dark skin and Spanish accent.

As they make small talk, Jeff realizes that Lora's still calling him Mr. Williams. He decides to help break the ice and call Lora by her first name as often as he can. In an attempt to warm her up, he asks if she's been to any good bullfights lately. When she balks, he mentions an article describing the cruelty of bullfighting, and then he invites her to a basketball game so that she can see some real American sports.

How did Jeff do? Well, he violated most of our rules:

• He didn't take time to find out that Lora was brought up in a very formal atmosphere. He also assumed that he could address her by her first name without asking if it was okay to do so.
• He tried to force her into a degree of familiarity that made her uncomfortable.
• By asking her about bullfighting, he assumed she was from Spain or Mexico. Lora's from Chile, which doesn't allow bullfighting.
• He made himself look a little foolish when he talked to her as if she didn't know that some people regard bullfighting as cruel, because Lora's a vegetarian and a member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
• When he invited her to the basketball game, he showed a bit of a nationalist streak by assuming that basketball, an "American" sport, was better than bullfighting - and by assuming that Lora had never been to a basketball game before.

What can Jeff do differently next time?

• Ask around the question. Instead of assuming where she's from, or even asking "Where are you from?" (since she could answer "Brooklyn"), he should allow the conversation to develop and give her an opportunity to feel comfortable discussing her ethnicity and nationality.
• Respect cultural differences. He should have also asked how she preferred to be addressed.
• Don't be a nationalist. Jeff tried to show Lora "the American way" by inviting her to a basketball game. But basketball scores big in a number of world courts these days - and there are other sports that Lora might have valued every bit as highly as Jeff did basketball.

FAQs

One of my coworkers is an immigrant, and I think she feels self-conscious. I feel badly for her because she hardly talks to anyone. How can I draw her into a conversation?

Try open-ended questions; questions that seek information and encourage her to talk a lot. Asking her about the town she's from or what she did for fun as a kid is a great way to encourage her to open up. She's probably just as eager to talk about mutual interests and experiences as you are. Some other good topics are:

• Sports.
• Pets.
• Business.
• Travel.
• Careers.
• Entertainment.
• Fashion.
• Food and drink.
• Hobbies.
• Outdoor activities.

I'm starting up a friendship with our neighbors, who just moved here from India, but I'm worried that I'm going to bring up a sensitive topic. How do I know what topics to avoid?

There's a rule of conversation that applies to everyone no matter what country they're from: Avoid anything related to sex, politics or religion. These topics are highly charged and can lead to uncomfortable discussions and unintended insults. Luckily, it's pretty easy to steer a conversation away from these sensitive subjects. Remember also that as relationships develop, there's room for mistakes and the ability to correct them through honest communication.

I've heard two stories about how Americans are regarded abroad. My brother told me that when he went on vacation, he made friends easily just because of his American accent. But a coworker told me that when he went overseas, everyone ignored him because he was an American. Who's right?

Both. Compared with many cultures, Americans are relaxed and informal. Americans can get along splendidly with people from similarly casual cultures. But in other cultures, such informality isn't always appreciated or understood. Americans are sometimes regarded as coming on too strong, too soon. If you're just beginning an acquaintance with someone from another country, it's best to play it safe, and try a slightly more reserved conversation style until they get to know you better.

One of my coworkers is still learning English. I don't want to embarrass him by constantly asking him to repeat himself. What's a tactful way to say that I don't understand him?

Be patient and encourage your coworker to take his time when he speaks. Try paraphrasing what you think he said or what he's trying to say. It's easier to understand English than to speak it, so rephrasing offers non-native speakers the opportunity to confirm or correct their meaning.

Resources

Books

Agar, Michael, Language Shock: Understanding the Culture of Conversation. Quill, 1996. Axtell, Roger, The Do's and Taboo of Hosting International Visitors. John Wiley & Sons Inc., 1990.

Dresser, Norine, Multicultural Manners: New Rules of Etiquette for a Changing Society. John Wiley & Son, 1996.

Klinkenberg, Hilka, At Ease Professionally: An Etiquette Guide for the Business Arena. Bonus Books, 1992.

Sabath, Ann-Marie, International Business Etiquette: What You Need to Know to Conduct Business Abroad With Charm and Savvy. Career Press, 1999.

Websites

Resources and an online newsletter with a section on international business tips are available at:
www.globalprotocol.com.

About MINES & Associates

For over 25 years MINES & Associates has been a nationally recognized business psychology firm that provides a variety of services to corporate employers including employee assistance programs (EAP), managed mental healthcare, organizational development and psychology services, wellness programs, behavioral risk management, disease management, PPO services, and a number of other technology based services. MINES & Associates is divided into two main divisions, Organizational Psychology and Health Psychology, and currently serves a diverse portfolio of clients in all 50 states, Canada, Mexico, and the UK.

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